This Is Really Happening

by Gentle Return

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1.
Death Valley 04:22
Would you even think about it anyway Would you even think about it anyway When everything has been said there’s no turning back Would you even think about it anyway Mucus flows your chest is clogged Rain and clouds blanket our heads Silence scares us into noise Swirls of honey drip down the cliffs Into the abyss Until we’re no more Would you even think about it anyway Would you even think about it anyway When everything has been said there’s no turning back Would you even think about it anyway Mucus flows your chest is clogged Rain and clouds blanket our heads Silence scares us into noise Swirls of honey drip down the cliffs Into the abyss Until we’re no more Disfrutando de la belleza De la naturaleza Que nos rodea Por qué llegar Tan lejos Mucus flows your chest is clogged Rain and clouds blanket our heads Silence scares us into noise Swirls of honey drip down the cliffs Into the abyss Until we’re no more
2.
Waiting in line To vomit out my life Laughter is anger Questions are power Are you who You say you are You must pay To be someone It’s not free To be no one Danger is high Coping is low Are you who You say you are You must pay To be someone It’s not free To be no one
3.
4.
I am afraid of myself This heart beat might speed Until it explodes I’m so tired Of being me Is this forever? I could go crazy And never come back I’m so mad That I feel anxious I’m so tired Of being me Is this forever?
5.
Dissociating 04:59
I want to see through The pieces of you That cause me pain That cause me pain That separate us My head is fog Click click This heart beats I shake shake At the ankles At the ankles I’m moving fast But I’m lying down Dissociating I am living large I am stuck here I am stuck here But we’re waiting Please hug me Please touch me I am lonely I am lonely But you’re all around me
6.
Your Smile 03:37
Where are you When I want you? Go away When I don’t need you Is this what I thought Would happen all along? Fear of a thing Will bring it to pass Now I’m wondering who you’re with Now I’m wondering who you’re with I’m taking Everything personal Cuz I’m Delicate And self-centered I tried so hard To not catch Feelings But our touch This cute dance I want it to work out Cuz I’m aching without Your smile
7.
Trapped inside this body I squirm Nothing left to do but complain Where will we be In the future that never comes Do my muscles communicate Is there a message I’m missing Is this pain just for pain’s sake Like I wish for pleasure The same way I wish for relief No time to rest To time to laugh Where will we be In the future that never comes Do my muscles communicate Is there a message I’m missing Is this pain just for pain’s sake Like I wish for pleasure The same way I Do my muscles communicate Is there a message I’m missing Is this pain just for pain’s sake Like I wish for pleasure The same way I wish for relief
8.
This is not enough This is not enough This is not enough I swear that I’m just broken But seriously flawed Just the fucking worst I wish you would’ve hugged me Told me that you loved me Said that it’d be alright No matter what I choose
9.
10.
I’ve got time but no drive Who am I supposed to be? I’ve got drive but no time Who am I supposed to be?

about

I release myself from

p e r f e c t i o n

I allow flaws
I allow my humanity
I meet my edge
and soften

This belongs
This
also
belongs

Doesn’t mean I’m a doormat
without boundaries

I’m honest

This is here

This is happening

This Is Really Happening

credits

released May 1, 2020

All songs by Gentle Return (Devin Lane)
Vocal harmonies on "Your Smile" by Amanda Salguero
Mastered by Piper Payne
Album artwork by Sophie McTear

Recorded in my bedroom in San Francisco, a few other small "studios", Jonny Mode's place in Seattle, and a few other places I might have forgotten.

~Field Recordings list~
"Heart Beat Hug" ending: Rodeo Beach area, Golden Gate National Recreation Area/Marin Headlands, Marin County, CA.

"Dissociating": BART

"Waves of Thought": Forest Hill Station, SF; Rodeo Beach area; Jules the kitty.

Special thanks to the Bay Area DIY/DIT music community, the Hotel Utah Open Mic community, and my friends. You are all in this record.

license

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tags

about

Gentle Return San Francisco, California

Plants as music 💐

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